What if She Chooses Abortion?

by Morna Comeau

After listening to post-abortive women from seven American cities and surveying hundreds who provide frontline help to those who face unplanned pregnancies, Frederica Mathews-Green concludes: "No one wants an abortion as she wants an ice-cream cone or a Porsche. She wants an abortion as an animal, caught in a trap, wants to gnaw off its own leg" (Real Choices, p. 11). Time and again that testimony is repeated as it was this past summer in an e-mail to a Birthmother Friend:

Carol,
Thank you for talking with me. I have never in my life had to make such a hard decision. I believe in life, so this is not an easy choice to make. I already spoke to someone about what to do for an abortion. I feel as if I have no other choice.

I am struggling as it is and feel so confused about everything. I honestly want to die sometimes, but that will solve nothing. I just pray that God will forgive me if I choose this. This is so hard for me emotionally and spiritually. Please pray for me and my unborn child. I feel so lost.

Click here for a poem written by another post-abortive woman.

Proverbs 17:17 reads, "A friend loves at all times." So, what does a Birthmother Friend do or say when a woman she is helping chooses abortion? Early this past Spring, Julie (not her name) called our toll free number and was matched with Shirley. Together, they explored options including whether Julie might consider making an adoption plan for her baby. Initially, she seemed empowered with the realization that, although she had made a regrettable mistake, she might still be able to offer a good life to her child by placing him or her in the embrace of an adoptive family. Shirley assured Julie of her value in God's eyes and, for the first time, Julie heard about God's offer of forgiveness through Christ.

Nine days after Shirley had become her Birthmother Friend, 30-year-old Julie had her sixth abortion since age 18. As an early teen, Julie was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and had since ridden a roller coaster of treatments and side effects. Off and on, she abandoned her medication to numb the pain with alcohol and illegal drugs. Long ago Julie felt her family had tired of her condition, and she no longer wished to burden them with her troubles. So, each time her relationships with men would fall away. She felt utterly alone.

With gentle and loving persistence, Shirley left messages for Julie and was pleased to receive a return call six days after the abortion. Accepting Shirley's offer to stay in contact and remain friends, Julie asked for help in dealing with her swirl of confused emotions. With Julie's consent, an appointment was set for the following week with a post-abortion counselor at Hope of Northern Virginia. In their support of post-abortive women over the last 25 years, Hope has seen a full range of feelings from women in response to their loss. A woman may feel guilt, anger, or relief at having an abortion. Most often, she feels all of these mixed with sadness at allowing herself to be coerced directly or indirectly by the baby's father or by her own parents to abort her baby. She may fear for her future ability to bear children, or wonder what kind of mother she could ever be. Some have to deal with recurring nightmares and other symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Birthmother Friends and the grief counselors at Hope also refer women to Project Rachel (www.hopeafterabortion.com) and Ramah International (www.ramahinternational.org) for resources in print and ongoing support groups.

A few months after her healing had begun, Julie decided to reinitiate her relationship with her father, even relocating to another state to be near him. When everyone and everything was falling away, Shirley stayed in touch with Julie to demonstrate the love of "a Friend, who sticks closer than a brother or sister" (Proverbs 18:24).

Birthmothers® Building hope through adoption.™

Why We Exist
 Birthmothers® helps a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy overcome barriers to choosing life for her baby and facilitates adoption when a woman concludes it is in the best interest of her child.

Birthmothers® provides confidential, nonjudgmental assistance to any woman facing an unplanned pregnancy.
Birthmothers® is currently focused in the northern Virginia area and Metro DC, with plans to expand to other U.S. cities in the future.
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