A Birth Mother's Story

by Jessica O'Connor-Petts

Jessica is a 30-year-old birth mother who lives and works in the Washington area. She has recently become a Birthmothers® Friend.

Brentan, whom I called Gabriel during the first four weeks of his life, was conceived in Atlanta the summer after I graduated from UNC, Chapel Hill in 1996. I have always advocated adoption over abortion, and have always wanted my children to grow up in a two-parent home environment. I commend, and sometimes envy, those single mothers who do choose to parent, however, for me the right choice was adoption. Although initially hurt and disappointed by the fact that I was pregnant, my parents supported me and my decision to place their grandson for adoption.

I wish that I could convey to every woman facing a crisis pregnancy what I have learned. Carrying a baby to term and bringing a life into this world is a tremendous privilege and accomplishment-whatever the hardship you may face along the way. It will be difficult. But, it will be possible, even joyful and rewarding. As a woman, you are strong enough to accomplish this, and you won't be alone in doing so. Even if you are not fortunate enough to have a loving family or supportive friends, you will be amazed at how God will strengthen you and give you hope, as you nurture the new life growing within you.

Saying goodbye will be painful. Parting with the child whom you have felt kick and twist and hiccup inside you, whom you have cradled against your shoulder as you both fell asleep - whom maybe you only held for a few moments in a hospital room - will be one of the hardest moments you will ever face. Even as you check anxiously to make sure that your baby is well-formed and plan for him to be well-loved, you hope he will know just how much you were loving him by placing him in the embrace of adoptive parents. In that instant, you know that your baby is of you, yet will never again be with you.

All of this is a severe mercy — severe in its pain to you, merciful in its provision for your child. But your heart does heal. Your birth children do grow up to be well-formed, and well-loved. Adored by their new parents, they are the center of attention in their new extended families of thrilled grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. And your birth children love all of them in return. I see Brentan now as a little boy in a family of his own, with creative, fantastic parents of whom I am very grateful. In knowing that your birth children are happy and well-provided for, you have done as much as any mother can do. And in knowing that you have been strong and brave and selfless, and brought life and love into this world, you have done as much as any person can hope to do.

On June 12, 1997, Gabriel was adopted through Catholic Charities. We had an adoption mass at a chapel where my parents and the adoptive parents read from Scripture, and we shared the sign of peace. As I handed Gabriel over to his adoptive mother before Communion, he was renamed Brentan. What follows is a prayer which I wrote for that service.

Birthmothers® Building hope through adoption.™

Why We Exist
 Birthmothers® helps a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy overcome barriers to choosing life for her baby and facilitates adoption when a woman concludes it is in the best interest of her child.

Birthmothers® provides confidential, nonjudgmental assistance to any woman facing an unplanned pregnancy.
Birthmothers® is currently focused in the northern Virginia area and Metro DC, with plans to expand to other U.S. cities in the future.
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